Walking with Families

Having spent many years listening to families and supporting parents living with challenging behaviour, I have come to understand just how powerful peer connection can be. The experiences shared, the reassurance offered, and the sense of not being alone can transform how families cope and feel understood. It was with this in mind that, earlier this year, I began exploring how we might build stronger peer networks for adoptive parents living with the complexities of aggression and violent behaviour in the home.

Listening to a dad share his story, his challenges, his fears, and his worries, I can’t help but hear echoes of my own experiences in his words. The details are different, the children are different, and our lives are different in many ways, yet many of the essential truths are shared.

The doubt, the fear, the exhaustion, and the isolation all resonate deeply. As I look around the online room, some dads have their cameras on and nod along. Others listen quietly, taking it in. A number keep their cameras off, but the chat fills with thumbs-up emojis and short messages of solidarity.

Peer support has a unique ability to reflect our own experience back at us, helping us to see things more clearly and to recognise how we are really doing. In a group of people who are walking or have walked the same path, there are no raised eyebrows or puzzled looks. People get it. Their empathy is grounded in reality, lived experience and genuine understanding.

In 2024, as part of my Churchill Fellowship, I spoke with organisations and individuals across North America, Europe and Australia who support adoptive parents. A recurring theme was the unique power of peer communities, both online and in person for parents facing challenging, aggressive or violent behaviour. These groups create a space where families can be honest, understood and supported without judgement.

In September, working with Beacon Family Services, I received funding through the Adoption England Community Development Fund to build a peer-led support network for adoptive parents living with children who display challenging, aggressive or violent behaviour.

There is clearly a need for support. Adoption UK’s 2025 Barometer shows that two-thirds of adoptive households who responded to the survey experience this behaviour, a figure that has remained consistent year after year.

Peer support offers much more than “a nice chat”. It creates a community where shared experience reduces isolation, blame and shame. Within these groups, there is a remarkable depth of knowledge and insight. Parents share solutions to common challenges, advice on navigating systems, signposting to resources, and most importantly compassion.

Some parents come to listen; some share difficult moments; others celebrate the small wins or the breakthroughs that matter only to those who understand. In these conversations, hope is nurtured. People can speak freely, away from professional scrutiny, in plain, honest terms.

Peer communities also gather a wealth of professional expertise. Many adoptive parents are social workers, teachers, therapists or health practitioners. Together they create a supportive environment rooted in shared values, lived experience and practical wisdom.

The project is currently funded until the end of March. However, with over 450 people in the Facebook group and nearly 200 signed up for online meetings, we are actively exploring further funding to ensure the support can continue. For many families, peer support offers immediate connection and compassion that cannot be replicated by other forms of intervention. As one parent expressed:

“Thank you for the peer support sessions – it really helps reduce the sense of isolation and helps me feel more ‘normal’.”